I don't know about you, but I feel guilty a good majority of my days as a mom. I feel guilty for over reacting, for being lazy and not making the healthiest meals, for needing time to myself, for wanting some moments where no one calls "Mom!" and I can go to the bathroom in piece, for wanting them to all go to bed early so I can stay up late...the list goes on. My list anyway, what about yours?
Living in real time mom guilt means we can be better after nap time or in the morning. It means we can say sorry when we've blown it and acknowledge when we weren't living our best mom life. What about when we live with the guilt of things from the past though? Things that have helped mold our kids into who they are today. Times where we can see our flaws reflected in things our kids say or in their attitudes. My oldest is 25 years old and when he was younger, I'd tell him to stop crying when we were in a store or out with friends.. I was so consumed with what others thought of my parenting and how my kids acted, that I never stopped to ask him why he was feeling the need to show emotion through tears. Now? My son hates crying and sees it as a sign of weakness. He expects others to stop crying on a whim and is confused by the emotion. It breaks my heart. I live with guilt. I wish I could go back and say I'm sorry and let him cry. But there are no time machine DeLoreans to take us back in time and make things right with our kids.
So what now? Is this a burden we carry forever? I don't know, but I do have hope. I do know that God didn't create us to live in guilt, but to live life to the fullest (John 10:10). I just turned 45 this week and I am nowhere near being done with learning and growing. God is constantly changing me and molding me into something more beautiful. Who I was last year, is nowhere near who I am today and who I will be next year. So if God can, and is, doing that for me and in me, doesn't that mean He can and will do that in my son? In your children? So often we think we have failed too big, or messed up too much and we don't give God any credit for how amazing He is and all He can do. He is daily changing lives and doing miracles, so who are we to limit His power? Who are we to look at our past and live with the guilt? Who am I to look at my son and fear I've messed him up and that God can't work in him? Maybe God has allowed this lack of emotion for a reason. Maybe God is using this in my son's life.
I think we give ourselves too much credit, and God not enough. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best mom ever and for apologizing for wrongs we have done. There is truly nothing wrong with wanting times to ourselves and for wanting to lock ourselves in the bathroom from time to time, although I think my youngest has made a secret key in case I ever try that🤷♀️. (In fact, he is watching Sunday football with his dad and brothers today, but comes up every 5-10 minutes to check on me in case I happen to fall out of my chair or something? He's so helpful. I'm sure you have one child like that too, but that's a blog for another day.) Anyway, let's get rid of our mom guilt. Say sorry when needed, and trust God with the rest. We can't change the past but we can trust God to change us and to change our children. Keep praying my friends, and never ever lose hope in our God.
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